JOKES

[Minotaur]

why can't skeletons play music in the church?

because they have got no organs

[Minotaur]

two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. one of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes. his friend looked at him and asked "do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster tham that tiger?". "i don't have to run faster than that tiger" his friend replied "i just have to run faster than you"

[Goblin King]

;D twisted, so twisted!

[Goblin King]

What do you call an underwater doctor?

A doctorpus!

__

I heard this surreal joke earlier:

Why dont dogs have any money?
Because they dont have pockets!

I told it to a guest who looked puzzled and said "but they could use plastic I guess"

I shake my fist at the sky- damn you CBBC interactive for giving me such flawed jokes!!!

[Minotaur]

^^^^ ;D ;D


why are blonde jokes so short?

so that brunettes can remember them

[Minotaur]

a young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. the parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like "he has a card up his sleeve" or "he has a dove in his pocket".

one day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. for a couple of days they just sat there looking at each other. finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "okay, i give up. what did you do with the ship?"

[Minotaur]

3 bums were outside a bar. the first one went in and asked for a fork. the second one went in and also asked for a fork. then the thrid one went in and wanted a straw. at this ppoint, the bartender became curious;

"how come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"

"well," the bum said "the dog threw up and all the chunks are gone"

[Minotaur]

if you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

[Minotaur]

why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

[Minotaur]

what is the last thing to go through a bugs mind when it hits your windshield?


its ass.

[Goblin King]

Minotaur said:

3 bums were outside a bar. the first one went in and asked for a fork. the second one went in and also asked for a fork. then the thrid one went in and wanted a straw. at this ppoint, the bartender became curious;

"how come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"

"well," the bum said "the dog threw up and all the chunks are gone"

Maxi-double EEEEWWWW times a hundred!

[barnyjuno]

Q: What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
A: Philippe Philoppe

[Goblin King]

^^
;DThat actually took me a few seconds - I really thought there was some special reference or something ...

[barnyjuno]

Goblin said:

^^
;DThat actually took me a few seconds - I really thought there was some special reference or something ...

Oh dear.

[Minotaur]

what did batman say to robin before they got in the batmobile?

get in the batmobile robin!

[Minotaur]

one day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. one of the boys said 'what is that?'

'they're smart pills' said the other boy. eat them and they'll make you smarter'

so he ate them and said 'these taste like shit'

'see' said the other boy 'you're already getting smarter'

[Minotaur]

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.

Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.

Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Poncho in sight, Steve starts getting restless. "I NEED FOOD!" he says with a hint of dementia in his voice.

"NO!" Joe retorts. "We promised."

Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Poncho probably skipped out to the Burger King down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Poncho pops out behind a rock.

"Just for that, I'm not going."

[Hoggle]

*giggles*

[Minotaur]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled.
No one answered.
''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!''
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?''
The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.''

[Minotaur]

eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

[Goblin King]

;D ;D ;D
(Another evil rash of humour from Minotaur)

[Minotaur]

what do you do when an idiot throws an hand grenade at you?

take the pin out and throw it back at him.

[Minotaur]

name two crustaceans

king crustacean and charring crustacean

[Minotaur]

why do ducks have webbed feet?
to stamp out fires.
why do elephants have flat feet?
to stamp out burning ducks.

[Minotaur]

what do you call a donkey with one leg?
a wonky donkey

what do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
a winky wonky donkey

what do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye breaking wind?
a stinky winky wonky donkey

what do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye breaking wind and wearing blue suede shoes?
a honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey

what do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes and playing a piano?
a plinky plonky honky tonky stinky winky wonky donkey

what do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye breaking wind, wearing blue suede shoes, playing apiano and driving a bus?
very talented

[Minotaur]

a couple of new jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. he doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. the other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. he gasps to the operator: 'my friend is dead! what can i do?'. the operator, in a calm, soothing voice says: 'just take it easy. i can help. first, let's make sure he is dead.'
there is a silence, then a shot is heard. the guy's voice comes back on the line. he says: 'ok, now what?'

[Minotaur]

did you hear about the young butcher who sat on a meat grinder?
he got a little behind in his orders

[Minotaur]

a shipwreck survivor washes up on a beach of an island and is immediately surrounded by a group of native warriors.
'i'm done for,' the man cries in despair
'no you are not,' comes a booming voice from the heavens. 'listen carefully, and do exactly as i say. grab the spear from the one who is beside you and shove it through the heart of the chief.'
the man does so, and the remainder of the band stare in disbelief.
'now what?' the man asks the heavens
'now, you are done for.'

[Hoggle]

where the hell are you getting these jokes from?

keep making me giggle

[undone]

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

where's my tractor?!!!!


what's green and eats nuts?

a septic squirrel...


or the alternative version....


what's green and eats nuts?

syphilis!!!!