JOKES

[Goblin King]

Okay … We all knew we had to get one of these :
aJokes Thread!
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

The worse the better.
GK.

---

I’ll start, I overheard Minotaur telling this one …<br>

There was a man who didn't have any ears.
He was conducting interviews for an employee in his company. The first person to walk through the door answered all his questions well.
He was then asked the question "In all the time you have been sitting here with me, have you noticed anything strange about me?"
To which, the reply came "yeah, I have actually. You haven't got any ears.".
The interviewer then says "Well, I am sorry but you can't say that how am I supposed to work with you? Goodbye".
The second candidate answers all the question better than the first and is then asked "Tell me, in all the time we have been speaking, have you noticed anything strange about me?"
To which the reply came "Yes, you don't have ears".
The man then says "Well, I am sorry but I can't work with you. Goodbye."
The third candidate walks in answers the questions even better than the first two put together.
The man proceeds to ask him "Tell me, have you noticed anything strange about me during the time we have spent together?".
To which the reply was " Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?".
The interviewer is astounded and says "Well, yes I do, that is amazing. How on earth did you know that?"
To which the reply was "Well, you wouldn't be wearing glasses without any f?cking ears now would you?"

;D

[Minotaur]

Yay yay yay very funny indeed! ;D

Well I know this isn't strictly a joke, but is so very amusing......

Minotaurs friend: Frankenstein was dyslexic wasn't he?

Minotaur: Frankenstein didn't exist!

Long thinking pause for M's friend ......

Minotaurs friend: Oh I meant Einstein, it was Enstein. I was just about to have agoat you saying Frankenstein did exist!

mmmmm.................
(sorry M's friend but culdn't resist the sweetnes of such things)

[Minotaur]

I exist.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

[Goblin King]

^^^^
;D lol

(ontological humour is SO cool ... )

[Minotaur]

Two vampire bats hadn't had a meal of blood in quite a while. So they vowed one night that they would venture out in search of blood and would not return until they had found some. Otherwise they were going to die. That evening both of them set out. One bat returns without having found any blood at all. The second bat returned with its whole face covered in blood. The first bats reaction was "My, goodness how on earth did you find all of that blood, that is incredible." The second bat points and says "Well, do you see that tower over there?". The first bat replies "Yes, yes I do". To which the second bat says "Well, I didn't!?!"

[shinigami]

OK I suck at telling jokes but here we go

Whats the difference between a man and opal fruits?
Opal Fruits come in four different flavours.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
See you again next month.


Yes they're bad. Sorry.

[dk223v2]

before i unleash this terrible joke on you all i would like to point out its not mine ok, i got sent it in a text by a friend


how does the man in the moon cut his hair?





eclipse it

[Minotaur]

really very funny indeed and no, that isn't a joke. ;D

[Goblin King]

Heh ;D- Shini said "sucks" after the Vampire Bats joke.

Keep em coming! ;D

(brain goes blank ... oh god I'm without humour! )

[schmerful]

Q: wot did the banana say 2 the vibrator?
A: "wot u fukin shakin 4? she's gonna eat me!!!"
heehee that makes me giggle so much

[TangleElftree]

ok, i read this on a website and it made me giggle..is a bit rude tho, lol...

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

[schmerful]

lmfao thats great

[missminty]

you sent me a link to that website kept me amused for aaaaages....

ok.. my joke....


what did the leper say to the prostitute?








keep the tip

hehehe....

xxx

[schmerful]

lol told to me by my friend so yeah

what do elephants use as tampons?



sheep!

[schmerful]

ok well me at my mad mate hayley's house n she is now poking my arm with her nose cos im writing this n cos im using her computer she wanted to post so now im passing they keyboard over to her before she bites me lol!
hiyaaaaaaa

there was a man with a magic lamp and when he rubbed it a genie came out n sed u can have 3 so the man thought about it for a bit and he said i wish for a pint of beer and it has to be the best neverending pint in the whole world so the genie says ok and he drinks the beer that appears before him and says wow that was amazing i'll have 2 more of those please.

hmm tis me schmer again now just to let ya know if you dont get that my friend is in a slightly confuzzling mood so yeah lol

[Minotaur]

What do ghosts wear on their feet in the snow?


BOOts.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

[Goblin King]

OW
that was very bad indeed ;D

[sparkle]

what does a bee do with his sting when he gets home from work?

puts it in his honey!

haha
luv sparkle x

[Minotaur]

three guys walked into a bar

you would have though the third one would have ducked

[Minotaur]

two male friends were arguing and driving each other potty as they were walking past their local library.thefirst guy turns to the other and says 'if you don't shut up i am going to cut the bottom of your trousers off and throw it into the library'. the other guys replies 'well that will be a turn up for the books'.

boom boom!

[Goblin King]

Yellow Card!!! ;D ;D ;D

[Minotaur]

ref! ref!

no arguing with the ref.

ref! ref! are you blind?

ref! ref! are you deaf?

gosh, such a good joke as well.

hmmpf!?!

[Goblin King]

no carry on, please ;D ;D

[Minotaur]

just jesting

[Minotaur]

two cows in a field. one cow turns to other and asks 'hey, have you heard about this mad cow's disease going around?'. to which the other replies 'yeah, makes you gald to be a penguin doesn't it'

[Goblin King]

LOL! ;D
(kill me - somebody kill me )

[Minotaur]

a duck walks into a bar and asks the barman 'got any bread?'. the barman says 'no, this is a pub, i don't have any bread'. the duck replies with 'got any bread?'. barman says 'no itold you once already i do not have any bread, so what can i get you?'. Duck, 'got any bread?' barman, 'once again no, and if you ask me again i shall nail your beak to that bar!'. the duck then asks 'got any nails?'. the barman replies'no, this is a pub, of course i haven't got any nails!'. to which the asks 'got any bread?'

[Goblin King]

Where's Schmerful when there's a decent duck joke? ;D

[Minotaur]

a man goes to his doctor and says, pressing all over his body,'i don't know what is wrong with me doctor, when i press here, here, here, here, here and here it really hutrs'. the doctor replies 'don't worry, i know exactly what is wrong with you'. 'oh yeah what it is then doc, what is wrong with me?' replies the guy eagerly. the doctors answers 'you've got a broken finger'.

[Minotaur]

what happens if you get scared to death twice?