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JOKES
Aug 31, 2006 20:36:28 GMT
Post by Count Überquart on Aug 31, 2006 20:36:28 GMT
A teenage boy walked onto his porch one cold morning, to find his grandfather sitting on a rocking chair, naked from the waist down.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asks.
"Well, a week ago I sat out here without a shirt on and got a stiff neck," the grandfather replies, "This is your grandma's idea."
~~~~
A man was having marital problems. He felt the spark had gone out of his relationship. One evening he returned from work late. He found his wife asleep in bed, and the room darkened. He considered the situation for a moment, climbed into bed, and had sex with her. After a few minutes she began to moan and whimper with pleasure. Satisfied, he went to clean his teeth. He found his wife shaving her legs in the ensuite.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" he exclaimed.
"Shh!" she replied, pointing to the bed, "You'll wake your mother."
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JOKES
Aug 31, 2006 20:47:18 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Aug 31, 2006 20:47:18 GMT
Rude!!
and
EWWW! ;D ;D
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JOKES
Sept 1, 2006 15:10:00 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Sept 1, 2006 15:10:00 GMT
eugh!!!
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JOKES
Sept 4, 2006 20:43:11 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Sept 4, 2006 20:43:11 GMT
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JOKES
Sept 5, 2006 15:11:10 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Sept 5, 2006 15:11:10 GMT
haha ;D i was waiting untill someone found something like that...  |
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JOKES
Sept 5, 2006 17:55:42 GMT
Post by Count Überquart on Sept 5, 2006 17:55:42 GMT
Hehehehe
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JOKES
Sept 9, 2006 12:00:59 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Sept 9, 2006 12:00:59 GMT
right i can't remember the exact thing but here goes...
an american, an irishman and a scotsman were on top of the empire state building drinking beer and all drunk. the american said, "right, i bet you $10 i can jump off and fly back on"
"you're on", said the scotsman, obviously thinking the american would fall to his death.
but amazingly, the american flew back after jumping off. the scotsman was very annoyed so he said he'd do it for $50 and plunged to his death.
"you can be a right bastard when your pissed, superman" said the irishman
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JOKES
Sept 9, 2006 12:02:53 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Sept 9, 2006 12:02:53 GMT
a boy was on the first date with his girlfriend, and both were scared and nervous and not talking. he asked her, "how much does a polar bear weigh?"
she answered, "i dont know"
"he replied, i dont know either, but it broke the ice"
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JOKES
Sept 9, 2006 21:45:19 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Sept 9, 2006 21:45:19 GMT
right i can't remember the exact thing but here goes... an american, an irishman and a scotsman were on top of the empire state building drinking beer and all drunk. the american said, "right, i bet you $10 i can jump off and fly back on" "you're on", said the scotsman, obviously thinking the american would fall to his death. but amazingly, the american flew back after jumping off. the scotsman was very annoyed so he said he'd do it for $50 and plunged to his death. "you can be a right bastard when your pissed, superman" said the irishman  love it. |
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JOKES
Sept 10, 2006 23:07:52 GMT
Post by Thrin on Sept 10, 2006 23:07:52 GMT
A man was having marital problems. He felt the spark had gone out of his relationship. One evening he returned from work late. He found his wife asleep in bed, and the room darkened. He considered the situation for a moment, climbed into bed, and had sex with her. After a few minutes she began to moan and whimper with pleasure. Satisfied, he went to clean his teeth. He found his wife shaving her legs in the ensuite. "What the hell are you doing here?!" he exclaimed. "Shh!" she replied, pointing to the bed, "You'll wake your mother." Oh that's nasty. |
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JOKES
Sept 24, 2006 9:14:45 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Sept 24, 2006 9:14:45 GMT
A man walked into a bar and ordered a molotov cocktail.
A man walked into a bar and asked for a packet of nuts and a fosters. You were expecting something funny to happen, werent you?
sorry, terrible...
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JOKES
Sept 26, 2006 19:56:33 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Sept 26, 2006 19:56:33 GMT
Ooh, you tease.  |
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JOKES
Oct 18, 2006 20:36:18 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 18, 2006 20:36:18 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 24, 2006 21:30:36 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 24, 2006 21:30:36 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 24, 2006 21:41:55 GMT
Post by Thrin on Oct 24, 2006 21:41:55 GMT
^haha! ;D
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JOKES
Oct 24, 2006 21:44:16 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 24, 2006 21:44:16 GMT
Yes, frightening near the knuckle.   |
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JOKES
Oct 24, 2006 21:50:27 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 24, 2006 21:50:27 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 26, 2006 19:48:50 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Oct 26, 2006 19:48:50 GMT
haha...cruel...
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JOKES
Oct 27, 2006 0:06:23 GMT
Post by Thrin on Oct 27, 2006 0:06:23 GMT
Two lions were walking down an aisle at the supermarket. One turned to the other and said:
"Quiet in here today isn't it?"
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JOKES
Oct 27, 2006 20:58:58 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 27, 2006 20:58:58 GMT
Hee hee, surreal! ;D
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JOKES
Oct 29, 2006 22:02:48 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 29, 2006 22:02:48 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 30, 2006 2:24:19 GMT
Post by Thrin on Oct 30, 2006 2:24:19 GMT
I do love Dilbert ;D
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JOKES
Nov 5, 2006 15:03:39 GMT
Post by Thrin on Nov 5, 2006 15:03:39 GMT
A seal walks into a club.
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JOKES
Nov 8, 2006 1:24:40 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 8, 2006 1:24:40 GMT
Oh that's good. |
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JOKES
Nov 8, 2006 19:49:36 GMT
Post by Thrin on Nov 8, 2006 19:49:36 GMT
I heard a joke today, and I can't work out if it's racist/offensive is that bad? |
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JOKES
Nov 8, 2006 20:36:49 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 8, 2006 20:36:49 GMT
That means you're still in your 20s - when these things still matter. |
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JOKES
Dec 7, 2006 20:45:04 GMT
Post by lollipop on Dec 7, 2006 20:45:04 GMT
A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a Windows Software engineer were out riding,
when their car broke down,and they couldn't get it started. The mechanical engineer suggested that
it might be out of gas, but after checking it out he found that it had plenty of gas.
The electrical engineer thought it might be the ignition system; lifted the hood and decided that everything was OK.
The Software engineer said, "Why don't we all roll the windows up, get out of the car, get back in the car
and roll the windows down again then see if it starts?"
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JOKES
Dec 9, 2006 0:11:44 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Dec 9, 2006 0:11:44 GMT
Heh. ;D I was expecting something much sillier from the software engineer ... maybe I should work on it ... |
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JOKES
Dec 11, 2006 19:37:00 GMT
Post by dratsucalex on Dec 11, 2006 19:37:00 GMT
hahaha genis
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JOKES
Dec 15, 2006 19:38:58 GMT
Post by Count Überquart on Dec 15, 2006 19:38:58 GMT
Heard these on Planet Rock...
"I played for the Incontinent society the other week. They didn't find my jokes funny, but they still pissed themselves." Which is crude, I know...
A young woman went to see her priest and said, "Father, I've got a problem. I bought two parrots, but they can only say one thing."
"Well, what do they say?" asked the priest.
"They can only say 'Hey, I'm a prostitute, want to have some fun?'" the woman replied.
"Hm," the priest considered, "I can see how that could be a problem. I tell you what, bring them to see my two male parrots who I taught to read the Bible and pray. Perhaps my parrots can set a good example."
The woman thought this was a good idea, and took her parrots to the priest's house the next day. The priest's parrots were sitting in their cage holding rosary beads, and she put her parrots in with them.
"Hey, I'm a prostitute, want to have some fun?" asked the woman's parrots.
So one of the priest's parrots said, "Hey, put the beads away, mate, the prayers have been answered!"
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