JOKES

[Minotaur]

SEE LOLLIPOP IS LAUGHING

Thank you lollipop.

[Minotaur]

There was this nun named Sister Mary who, though she tried and tried, could never please the Mother Superior. One day she comes up with an idea: since the abbey was always cold, she decided to cut some wood and build a fire in the fireplace to heat the place up. She spent all day chopping, hauling and stacking wood. Subsequently, she wound up shredding the sleeves of her habit.

Later that night, as the other nuns came into the rectory, they were delighted to find the place warm and cozy, with a big fire roaring in the fireplace. Then Mother Superior comes in and yells, "Sister Mary! Go fix your torn habit this instant!"

Sister Mary, crying, asks, "But Mother Superior, aren't you happy that the abbey is warm?" To which the Mother Superior replies, "Yes, but when you ax, then ye shall re-sleeve."

[Minotaur]

But baby pigeon said, "I can't make it; I'll get too tired." His mother said, "Don't worry; I'll tie a piece of string to one of your legs and the other end to mine."

The baby started to cry.

"What's wrong?" said the mother.

"I don't want to be pigeon towed!"

[Minotaur]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

[Minotaur]

When Mr.. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife."

"Well...tell me!" he demanded.

The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said, "Give me the bad news first."

So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay."

"OH MY GOD!," said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"

"Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."

"Huh?" he said, not understanding. "So, what's the great news?"

The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

[Minotaur]

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.

[dratsucalex]

lol!! they're great, whered u get them from?

[Goblin King]

dratsucalex said:

lol!! they're great, whered u get them from?

Don't encourage the Minotaur.
(It won't stop ...)

"No charge" ;D

"They gave me a chiuahah!?" ;D

- Strange, I've never heard of "pigeon toed/towed" so the play on words was lost on me.

[Goblin King]

minotaur said:

SEE LOLLIPOP IS LAUGHING

Thank you lollipop.

Lollipop was cackling mad to start with.

[lollipop]

Oi!! *mock-angry*

[Goblin King]

[lollipop]

Aaaah! It is a round yellow thing coming to eat me!

[Goblin King]

You love it! ;D

___

[dratsucalex]

lol, thats good

[Goblin King]

Yeah ;D


Why Pandas are socially awkward:
billionbroken.livejournal.com/7188.html

[Tinkerbell]

what do you call a chav in a box?
innit
what do you call a chav in a locked box?
safe
what do you call a chav in a locked box at the bottom of a hole?
well safe, innit

[Goblin King]

(with caps on)

[Count Überquart]

Hahahahaha!!!

;D

[Tinkerbell]

What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?



Sorted

[Goblin King]

Ha ha. ;D

(Your jokes are much shorter than Minotaur's ... )

[dratsucalex]

i had a joke yesterday. forgot it though...

[Goblin King]

Well, that's no good, Alex! I come here for humour and all you give me is excuses!

[dratsucalex]

sorry sir...

i saw a funny-looking pigeon today if that counts?

[Count Überquart]

I saw a pigeon with a toe missing

Anyway!

I didn't see this on here, but I haven't read the entire thread, so I apologise if it's been posted.

There's a man working on a scaffold about 3 storeys up. He needs a saw, but he can't be bothered to go down and get it. So he signals down to his colleague that he needs this saw. So his colleague gives him the thumbs up sign, and proceeds to pull his trousers down and start masturbating. The man, thoroughly disgusted and just as confused, climbs down the scaffold as quick as he can and runs over to his colleague.
"What the hell are you doing?" He cries.
And so his colleague replies, "I was just telling you I am coming."

[Goblin King]

Funny looking pigeons? Mutilated pigeons? More tragedy than comedy methinks.

Ha ha - Clo - that's rude! ;D

[Goblin King]

I've been sent some pictures entitled "Knitting for Psychos"



;D

(Contains wool gore )

To see the rest: smg.photobucket.com/albums/v600/goblinmarket/knitting/

(Cross posting in Random Pictures as well)

[Count Überquart]

Wow! That's so cool!

[Minotaur]

Whilst we are not posting jokes:


BROCKWORTH, England (AFP) - Twenty-five people were injured in an annual cheese-rolling competition, where daredevils chase giant cheeses down a steep slope in western England, organisers said.

Dozens took part in the bizarre event at Cooper's Hill in Brockworth, Gloucestershire, before a crowd of some 3,000 laughing and cheering spectators.

They raced for 200 metres (656 feet) down the slope after the wheel-shaped Double Gloucester cheese, decorated in a blue and red ribbon.

Many

(Advertisement)
slipped, somersaulted and tumbled their way to the bottom during five bone-crunching races over two hours.

Of the 25 people hurt, 12 were spectators, one of whom was hit by one of the hard, dinner-plate-sized cheeses used in each race.

Only two people were taken to hospital for further assessment, however.

The organisers said the number of injuries was comparatively low.

"We usually average around 30-40 people who need treatment," said Jim Jones, operations training manager for St John's Ambulance.

"The most serious injuries this year appear to be a dislocated finger and a possible fractured ankle," he told Britain's domestic Press Association.

The wet weather helped protect the racers, as they were able to slide down the slope rather than tumble head-over-heels, said organiser Richard Jefferies.

"It's been a very successful year," he added.

Among the winners of the five races was Chris Anderson, 18, who knocked himself out to claim the title.

Afterwards, the dazed window fitter said: "I just ran, fell and hit my head. I feel sore but it was definitely worth it."

First prize in each race is a big circle of cheese.

People from as far afield as Australia, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden and the United States travel to the hill every year to take part in the cheese roll.

The unusual event has been celebrated for centuries and is thought to have its roots in a heathen festival to celebrate the return of spring.

[dratsucalex]

lol! i want to do that!

[Goblin King]

Cheesey.