JOKES

[Minotaur]

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered something in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

[Goblin King]

(I think Minotaur has become a stand-up comedian and this is her show - I will peruse at leisure when my brain is working again. )

[Goblin King]

A big chick ... I likes it.

Some old ones and new ones. heh.

There's something slightly American about all of these ...?

[Goblin King]

[dk223]

minotaur said:

Bill Clinton and Senator Hillary Clinton were at a Yankees game. Before the game began a secret service man came up to him and whispered something in his ear.
Bill Clinton suddenly picked up Hillary and threw her out on the field.

The secret service man came running up to him and said, "Mr. President Sir, I think you misunderstood me; I said throw out the first pitch."

Hehehe I like that one ;D

[TangleElftree]

whats pink and fluffy?




pink fluff!

[Goblin King]

;D

[dratsucalex]

ha!

a man walked into a bar. ouch

a lion and a giraffe walked into a bar. the girraffe got really drunk and colapsed on the floor. the barman said "whats that lying there?" the lion replied "its not a lion, its a girraffe!"

[Goblin King]

dratsucalex said:

a man walked into a bar. ouch

[dratsucalex]

is that crying, eating, laughing, or doing jaw excersises?

[Goblin King]

Ha ha - jaw exersises ;D

[dratsucalex]

i tihink all 4...multi-talented smiley!

[Tinkerbell]

uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Chav

Look anything up it's great, particually where you live. It's so amusing as it's so true!

[dratsucalex]

hahahaha!!!
its nazi's all over again! not jews, just chavs...

[Goblin King]

Wonderful stuff. ;D

Kingdom Animal
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Primates
Family Hominidae
Genus Homo
Species Inferior
Binomial Name Homo Inferior
Primary Armament Fists to happy slap you with
Secondary Armament Mobile Phone to record happy slap on

[dratsucalex]

;D

[Goblin King]

[dratsucalex]

i dont get it...

[Tinkerbell]

admin said:

Haha a psychology joke

[Goblin King]

Explanation: Dilbert's brain has in fact become damaged by the dull appearence of his work environment, which has led to memory loss.
(Also, Dilbert cartoons have this thing about the animals being smarter than everybody else I think, hence the cat is explaining stuff to dilbert, perhaps it's even a management trick ...)

[dratsucalex]

stupid dilbert. clever cat
i want a cat...

[GK guesting]

www.eyebeam.org/reblog/archives/mordor.gif
;D

[dratsucalex]

lol!! seen that before, back in the good old days...got some others somewhere..

[Minotaur]

The animals were bored. Finally, the lion had an idea. "I know a really exciting game that the humans play called football. I've seen it on T.V."

He proceeded to describe it to the rest of the animals and they all got excited about it so they decided to play. They went out to the field and chose up teams and were ready to begin.

The lion's team received. They were able to get two first downs and then had to punt. The mule punted and the rhino was back deep for the kick. He caught the ball, lowered his head and charged. First, he crushed a roadrunner, then two rabbits. He gored a wildebeast, knocked over two cows, and broke through to daylight, scoring six.

Unfortunately, they lacked a placekicker, and the score remained 6 - 0.

Late in the first half the lion's team scored a touchdown and the mule kicked the extra point. The lion's team led at halftime 7 - 6. In the locker room, the lion gave a peptalk.

"Look you guys. We can win this game. We've got the lead and they only have one real threat. We've got to keep the ball away from the rhino, he's a killer. Mule, when you kick off be sure to keep it away from the rhino."

The second half began. Just as the mule was about to kick off, the rhino's team changed formation and the ball went directly to the rhino. Once again, the rhino lowered his head and was off running. First, he stomped two gazelles. He skewered a zebra, and bulldozed an elephant out of the way. It looked like he was home free. Suddenly at the twenty yard line, he dropped over dead. There were no other animals in sight anywhere near him. The lion went over to see what had happened. Right next to the dead rhino he saw a small centipede.

"Did you do this?" he asked the centipede.

"Yeah, I did." the centipede replied.

The lion retorted, "Where were you during the first half?"

"I was putting on my shoes."

[Minotaur]

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink?
A: To a crow bar.

[Minotaur]

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

[lollipop]

Heard that dog one before, but it still cracks me up!

[Minotaur]

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

[lollipop]

[Minotaur]

Harvey's grandfather clock suddenly stops working right one day, so he loads it into his van and takes it to a clock repair shop.

In the shop is a little old man who insists he is Swiss, and has a heavy German accent. He asks Harvey, "Vat sims to be ze problem?"

Harvey says, "I'm not sure, but it doesn't go 'tick-tocktick -tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick.'"

The old man says, "Mmm-Hm!" and steps behind the counter, where he rummages around a bit. He emerges with a huge flashlight and walks over the grandfather clock.

He turns the flashlight on, and shines it directly into the clocks face. Then he says in a menacing voice, "Ve haf vays of making you tock!"