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JOKES
Oct 2, 2005 20:48:50 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Oct 2, 2005 20:48:50 GMT
There are two guys in a bar. A chap walks in and the guys have a bet on what he does for a living. Guy 1 insists he is a builder and guy 2 insists he is an accountant. The chap goes to the gents and guy 1 follows him. In the gents guy 1 asks the chap 'excuse me but what do you do for a living?'. The chap answers 'i am a logical scientist'. 'a logical scientist, what is that?'. 'well the best way i can describe it is by giving you an example:
Chap: Do you own a goldfish?
Guy 1: Yes
Chap: I presume then it either lives in a bowl or a pond.
Guy 1: well yes it lives in a pond.
Chap: to have a pond , you would have a big garden
Guy 1: well yes i do have a big garden.
Chap: so if you have a big garden in this area, then you would have a big house
Guy 1: well yes i do have a big house
Chap: so if you have a big house, i presume you share the house
Guy 1: wel, yes, i share it with my wife and three children
Chap: so you have a wife, so i presume you don't go without sex.
Guy 1: well yes that would be true.
Chap 1: so if you don't go without sex, i deduce that you don't masturbate that often
Guy 1: woah, thats a bit close to the bone but, yes you are right. but what does that have to do with anything?
Chap: well that is what i do, i have gone from your goldfish to intimate details of your life.'
Following this guy 1 leaves the urinals and returns to his mate. Guy 2 says 'i saw you were having a piss with that man, so tell me then what does he do for a living?' Guy 1 replies 'well he is a logical scientist.' 'a logical scientist, what is that?' asks guy 2.
Guy 1:'Well, i'll try to explain it to you the way he explained it to me. Do you have a goldfish?'
Guy 2: 'no, i don't'
Guy 1: ' right' he said, 'then you are a wanker'
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JOKES
Oct 2, 2005 20:58:43 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 2, 2005 20:58:43 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 3, 2005 6:42:55 GMT
Post by lollipop on Oct 3, 2005 6:42:55 GMT
LMAO!!  Great! ;D |
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JOKES
Oct 3, 2005 10:48:35 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 3, 2005 10:48:35 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 3, 2005 15:33:09 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Oct 3, 2005 15:33:09 GMT
 I have real life photographs like that but with real life children. |
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JOKES
Oct 3, 2005 20:38:31 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 3, 2005 20:38:31 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 14, 2005 22:04:56 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 14, 2005 22:04:56 GMT
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JOKES
Oct 16, 2005 19:12:43 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 16, 2005 19:12:43 GMT
^^^Still trying to get this one to work ....  Try this__ ;D Poor Chincilla! |
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JOKES
Oct 17, 2005 17:12:54 GMT
Post by Tinkerbell on Oct 17, 2005 17:12:54 GMT
HAHA is it just m or does that remind you of GK *runs before she is lynched* |
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JOKES
Oct 17, 2005 22:02:47 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Oct 17, 2005 22:02:47 GMT
Oi!!!!!   |
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JOKES
Nov 5, 2005 0:51:44 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 5, 2005 0:51:44 GMT
Donald Rumsfeld is briefing president Bush: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"Oh no!" exclaims the president, "that's terrible!"
His staff is stunned at this unprecedented display of emotion, watching as Bush sits, head in hands.
Finally, he looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
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JOKES
Nov 5, 2005 0:53:32 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 5, 2005 0:53:32 GMT
Q: What did the hobbit say to the elf?
A: You better come and hide in the Shire before the geeks create a movie so they can spend late nights sitting around watching hours of video in costumes with hair on their feet in hopes of creating a safe haven of some kid named Oliver’s basement from the cold and lonely world, which only seems to shun them for the modest layer of tape around their glasses.
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JOKES
Nov 5, 2005 0:57:43 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 5, 2005 0:57:43 GMT
Who was the ghosts favorite former UN Secretary General?
BoOoOo-trous BoOoOo-trous Ghali
What disease frightens ghosts the most?
BoOoOo-bonic Plague
What was the ghosts favorite TV show?
BoOoOo-ffy the Vampire Slayer
Who was the ghosts favorite conservative intellectual?
William F. BoOoOo-ckley
What sound do ghost bombs make?
BoOoOo-m
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 19:27:42 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 7, 2005 19:27:42 GMT
Is it wrong to ban a mod on the grounds of bad punning?
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 19:28:04 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 7, 2005 19:28:04 GMT
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 22:03:01 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 7, 2005 22:03:01 GMT
By golly no it wouldn't be wrong. I'd say they deserve it.
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 21:50:08 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 7, 2005 21:50:08 GMT
Nope I curse you to a life of puns and cracker jokes!  |
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 22:07:07 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 7, 2005 22:07:07 GMT
that is cruel
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 22:30:16 GMT
Post by Minotaur on Nov 7, 2005 22:30:16 GMT
my brother did take my grandmother banger racing yesterday
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JOKES
Nov 7, 2005 22:37:25 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 7, 2005 22:37:25 GMT
Mmm sausages
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 3:20:52 GMT
Post by lollipop on Nov 9, 2005 3:20:52 GMT
What's this? Are we talking about food I can't eat on every thread now?
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 18:29:16 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 9, 2005 18:29:16 GMT
Oops ... quorn sausages, naturally ... Oh sorry lollipop. *goes off to make sandwiches and drink fresh milk ...* |
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 18:35:09 GMT
Post by Tinkerbell on Nov 9, 2005 18:35:09 GMT
Pirate jokes! (we were highly amused by them today)
1
Have you heard about the new pirate movie?
It?s rated AARRRRGGH!
2
What's a pirate's favorite mode of transportation?
A cAARRRRGGH!
3
what's a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
arrrr
4
what's a pirate's favorite kind of socks?
arrrrgyle
5
what is a pirates favorite study subject?
arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt.
6
what's a pirate's second-choice job?
an arrrrrrchitect!
7
This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
And the pirate says...
Aaargh, it's driving me nuts!!
8
a little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"
9
how much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
a buccaneer
10
what's a pirate's favorite kind of cookie?
ships ahoy
11
what do you call a pirate that skips class?
captain hooky!
12
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."
13
why does a pirate's phone go beep beep beep beep beep?
because he left it off the hook!
14
what does a pirate say when he takes over santa's job?
ho ho ho and a bottle of rum
15
What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Starrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrve!
16
What has 8 arms and 8 legs?
8 Pirates!
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 19:52:27 GMT
Post by tiggbaker4 on Nov 9, 2005 19:52:27 GMT
love number7 |
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 21:18:05 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 9, 2005 21:18:05 GMT
;D *cross between giggling and groaning* |
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JOKES
Nov 9, 2005 22:24:26 GMT
Post by tiggbaker4 on Nov 9, 2005 22:24:26 GMT
are u in pain GK !?*
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JOKES
Nov 10, 2005 4:36:30 GMT
Post by lollipop on Nov 10, 2005 4:36:30 GMT
Oops ... quorn sausages, naturally ... Oh sorry lollipop. *goes off to make sandwiches and drink fresh milk ...* *lays into him furiously* P.S. If you edit that sentence to remove the 'into' I will whack you one  |
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JOKES
Nov 10, 2005 9:06:16 GMT
Post by lampy on Nov 10, 2005 9:06:16 GMT
LOL
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JOKES
Nov 10, 2005 20:48:27 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 10, 2005 20:48:27 GMT
Actually last night I was out of both bread and milk ...  What do sympathetic Pirates say? Arrrrrr! ;D |
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JOKES
Nov 13, 2005 21:07:49 GMT
Post by Goblin King on Nov 13, 2005 21:07:49 GMT
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